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　　标题：TalkingwithYourKidsaboutSetbacks
　　source：psychologytoday丨byGailHeymanPh。D。
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　　Howwecopewithfailureanddisappointmentcanhaveabigimpactonourlives。Itcanaffectouremotionalwellbeingandhowwerelatetoothers。Ultimatelyitcanpavethewayforoursuccesses，becauseachievingsuccessisnearlyimpossiblewithoutriskingfailure。
　　Somechildrenfinditespeciallydifficulttodealwithsetbacks，andthismaybesomethingthatparentshavelittleornocontrolover。Noteveryonehasthekindofeasygoingpersonalitythathelpsthemavoidfeelingoverwhelmedwhenthingsgowrong。
　　Whatparentscaninfluenceisthewaytheirchildrenthinkaboutwhatsetbacksmean。Onemaladaptivepatternofreasoningthatpeopleoftenfallintoistofocusonwhattheirperformanceonaparticularoccasionsaysaboutwhattheyarecapableofaccomplishingingeneral。Forexample，abeginningmusicianwhomakesaglaringmistakeataschoolconcertmaybegintoworryaboutwhethershehaswhatittakestobesuccessfulinmusic。Manyparentswhoheartheirchildrenvoicesuchselfdoubtsrespondbypraisingtheirskills。Althoughpraisingchildrensskillsseemslikeagoodidea，itcanbackfire。Childrenwhoreceivethistypeofpraisetendtolearnthattheywillbejudgedbasedontheoutcomesthattheyproduce。Whenthishappenstheyoftenreasonthatiftheyarebeingjudgedbytheirsuccesses，theyarebeingjudgedbytheirfailuresaswell。Thismakesitevenmorethreateningtoriskfailure。
　　Abettermessagetoconveyisthatdifficultiesandsetbackscanserveassteppingstonesforsuccess。Thismessagecanbehardforchildrentoabsorbbecauseweliveinasocietyinwhichawiderangeofoutcomesareevaluated，ofteninverypublicways。Anotherproblemisthatpeopleoftenhidetheirfailures。Whenotherpeople’sfailuresareinvisibletous，itcanpromotethefalseideathatfacingdifficultiesinlifeisnotnormal。
　　Sowhatcanparentsdotohelpchildrendealwithsetbacksmoreeffectively？Parentscantalkabouttheirownstrugglesandthestrugglesofpeopletheyknow，includingsomeofthepathwaysthateventuallyledthemtosuccess。Howparentsrespondtosetbacksthattheirchildrenobservecanalsobeimportant。Aparentwhobeatsuponherselfwhenshemakesamistakemaybeunderminingthemessagethatitisokaytofail。
　　It’simportanttokeepinmindthatteachingkidstopersistinthefaceinobstaclesisnotthesameasteachingthemthatitsneveragoodideatoquit。Continuinganactivityforanextendedperiodoftimethatyourchilddoesntenjoyandthatdoesnotserveasafoundationforfutureopportunitiesmaynotbethebestchoice。
　　Parentscanencouragetheirchildrentoovercomechallengesbyhelpingthemunderstandthatobstaclesareanaturalpartofthelearningprocess。Itisonlywhenchildrengivethemselvesachancetoworkthroughchallengesthattheycanbegintofigureoutwhattheyarecapableof。
　　ConversationStarters
　　Canyouthinkofatimewhenyoufeltbetteraboutaproblemyouwerehavingaftertalkingtosomeonewhohadthesameproblem？
　　Canyouthinkofatimewhenyouwishedyoucouldhittheundobuttononsomethingyoudid？
　　Whatwouldyousaytoafriendwhowassadaboutmakingamistakeduringamusicalperformance？
　　Isitagoodideaforpeopletoquitactivitiesthattheyfindfrustrating？