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　　标题：WhatYourChildWishesYouKnewWhenSheActsOut
　　source：ahaparenting
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　　Hey，Mom，Dad，Imoverwhelmedwithsomebigfeelingshere。。。。Idontknowwhattodowiththem。。。TheyrebubblingupinsidemeandIfeelsoscaredandsadandmad。。。Illdoanythingtomakethesefeelingsgoaway，includinghitsomeone。。。No，dontyoucomecloseofferingmehugs。。。thatwouldsendmerightintotears。。。Icantbearallthatsadness。。。ItmustbeyourfaultImfeelingallthesebadfeelings。。。。Illdriveyouawaybyanymeansnecessary！
　　DontyouwishyourchildcouldjustTELLyoushesfeelingthisway，insteadofscreamingIhateyou，youretheworstmotherintheworld！？
　　Butwhenyourchildisactingout，itsbecausesheCANTtellyouaboutthosefeelings。Sosheactsthemout。ItsherwayofsendingyouanSOS。
　　Sonexttimeyourchildmisbehaves，remindyourselfthatyourehisemotioncoach。Hedoesntunderstandthesebigfeelingsthatareoverwhelminghimanddrivinghisbadbehavior。Heneedsyourhelptofeelthosetearsandfearshesbeenstuffingallday，allweek，allyear。Onceyouhelphimfeelsafeenoughtoletthosefeelingsupandout，theyllmeltaway。Hellfeelsomuchbetter。Whichmeanshellactsomuchbetter。
　　How？Empathize。Youaresoupset。。。。Youdidntwant。。。。Youwish。。。。DoIhavethatright？
　　Thatmightbeenoughtogethimcooperating。Ormaybehelllaunchintoananguishedaccountofhowunfairlifeis，andyouare。Justlisten，nod，andacknowledge。SoyoufeellikeImbeingunfairwhen。。。。。Nowonderyoureupset。。。。YouwishIwould。。。。。Youdonthavetochangeyourdecision。Justacknowledge。ThengivehimahugandsaySweetie，Thanksforexplainingthattome。IseeyourviewnowandIseewhyyoureupset。。。。Imsorrywecantdoityourway。Thisisthewayitisthistime，becauseitsimportanttomethat。。。。。ButIdohearyou。Letmethinkaboutthis，andwelltalkaboutitagain。
　　Often，justfeelingunderstoodisenoughtodefuseyourchildsupset。Overtime，asshelearnsthatyoureallywillthinkaboutitandlookforwinwinsolutions，shellbemorelikelytogoalongwithyourrequestsatthispoint。
　　Butwhatifherresponsetoyourempathyistogetmoreupset？Thatjustmeansthefeelingsarebigandsheneedsyourhelptogothroughthem。How？Playwhenyoucan，Crywhenyouhaveto。
　　1。Play。Gigglingventsthesameanxieties（whichmeansfearsandstresses）thatcryingdoes。Anditssomuchmorefun！Everychildneedsaroughhousingsessionofgigglingeveryday，justforemotionalmaintenance。
　　Physicalplayreleasesoxytocinandotherbondinghormones，soitreconnectsyouwithyourchildandrepairstheerosioninyourrelationshipthatscausedbydailylife。Ifthegigglingcomesfromgamesthathelpyourchildprocessfears（likepeekabooorchasegames），italsoworksdirectlyonanybacklogofemotion。Andifyourchildisactingup，sometimeskeepingyoursenseofhumorandsettingthelimitplayfullyisenoughtohelpherfeelreconnected，soshewantstocooperate。Whoa，Girlfriend！Shoesdontgoonthecouch！Whatdoyouthinkthisis，abarn？Moooo。。。。Mooo。。。。。！mightbetheperfectplayfulinterventiontogetyourkidlaughingasshetakeshershoesoffandbeginsmakinganimalnoiseswithyou。Crisisaverted，connectionrepaired。
　　（Pleasenote：Titsautomaticphysiology，asopposedtothepsychologicalprocesswhenmildfearreleasesthroughgiggling。Andtickling，evenwhenchildrengiggle，oftenmakeskidsfeelpowerless。Thechildmayseemtobehavingfun，butshecantHELPlaughing。Ifyourchildbegsfortickling，trythreateningtotickle。Thatwillstillelicitthegiggles，buttheyrepsychological，notphysical。）
　　2。Cry。Butwhatifyourchildissowoundupthatyourplayfuloverturesmakehimmad？Thenhespastthepointwhereplaycanhelp。Itstimetocry。
　　Behindthatanger，tearsarealreadywellingup。Ifyoucanhelphimfeelsafeenough，hellgopasttheangertothehealingtearsthatwillwashawayallhisupset。
　　Howdoyouhelphimfeelsafe？Compassion。Donttakeanythinghesayspersonally。Getintouchwithyourdeeploveforhimandsummonupasmuchkindnessasyoucan。ThenempathizeItssohard，Iknow。。。。。Imsorry，Honey。
　　Hemayyellbackatyou。Thatsokay。Staycompassionate。Youmustbesoupset，Sweetie。Whatswrong？Ifyoucanstaycompassionate，ratherthanattackingback，hewillprobablyburstintotears。Welcomethem。Holdhim，ifhellletyou。Donttrytotalk。Breatheandremindyourselfthatyourroleistohelphimcrybyprovidinganemotionalsafespace。Talkingwouldshutoffthetears，andheneedstogetthemout。
　　Ifhestopscrying，remindhimofwhateverlimitismakinghimangry：Imsosorrywecantdothatrightnow。Aslongashescrying，yourgoalistotapintoasmuchupsetasyoucan，tohelphimemptythatfullbackpackoffeelingsthathavebeenmakinghimsodemandingorrigid。
　　Shouldyoureprimandhimforrudeness？No。Justcreatesafety。Later，hellprobablyapologizewithoutprompting。
　　Iknow，yourchildhoodtrainingdidntreallyprepareyouforthis。Youwereprobablytoldtostopcryingwhenyouwerelittlemaybenotsosweetly。Soyourchildscryingmakesyouanxious。
　　Butemotionsonlygoawayoncewefeelthem。Untilwedo，theyrestuckinthebody，bubblingupanddrivingbehavior。Soyourchildreallyneedsyoutoaccepthisemotionsandhelphimbreathehiswaythroughthem。Thatsthepathbacktohisnaturalsenseofwellbeingandconnection，theonlyfoundationfromwhichhecanactright。
　　Yourchildcanttellyouthis。Butnexttimesheactsout，youllknow。